


Gun

by Red Dragon (Red_Dragonn)



Series: Steelcutter Stories [2]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Frustration, M/M, Storytelling, by that i mean a dude is a gun, gun - Freeform, i dont even fucken know, idiots being idiots, im sorry i dont even know WHAT this is, or what to tag it as, this is just. a disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-15 22:31:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15423045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Dragonn/pseuds/Red%20Dragon
Summary: steelcutter fucks upalternatively: gun





	Gun

“Would you size your valve down?” Redshift whined.

Steelcutter stared at him blankly. “Would I _what?”_

Redshift poked him in the chestplate, shifting his hips. “Reconfigure. Your. Valve. It’s fraggin’ huge. I can barely get any friction.”

“Don’t fraggin’ tell me what to do,” Steelcutter snapped, even though he had absolutely no fragging clue what Redshift was talking about. “You wanted me to do _what?”_

“Don’t be slagging ridiculous,” Redshift said. “Just reconfigure it down. We’ve been fragging for decacycles, it’s not a huge slagging request.”

“I don’t even know what you’re _asking_ ,” Steelcutter said irritably. “I don’t exactly make a habit of being on the damned bottom.”

“Come _on_ ,” Redshift whined. “I’m speaking plain cybertronian. Just reconfigure your valve, my mech.”

“I,” Steelcutter growled, “don’t know what that _means_.”

Redshift blinked and pulled all the way off of him. “You don’t _what_ , didn’t you—” he paused. “You got spiked by _Megatron_ , you fragging liar.”

“Slag does that mean?”

“I get that this might be funny to you,” Redshift snapped, “but I’m not enjoying the fragging joke.”

_“What?”_

“Just stop trying to play me for a fool and reconfigure your valve.”

“Stop ordering me the frag around and explain what the hell you mean,” Steelcutter spat.

Redshift all but snarled, “This isn’t fragging _funny!”_

“I _know!”_ Steelcutter shouted back. “I don’t know why you’re so damn determined that I’m making fragging fun of you! I don’t slagging understand what you’re _telling me!”_

Redshift paused. “If you’re fragging lying to me about this,” he warned, voice low and angry, “I will cut off your spike and wear it like a fragging _hat.”_

Steelcutter sighed. “I’m not slagging you over,” he said.

Redshift sighed, running a servo over his face. “No scrap?”

“No scrap.”

“Well,” he said, “here’s what you have to do…”

* * *

It took a couple of bribes, and a bit of whining, and a couple of favors, and then a couple “favors” on top of that, but then Steelcutter got himself into a private audience with Megatron. Frag knows he was a hell of a lot busier now than when he’d joined the Cause.

But first, he had some spare time, so he went home. He had to make sure Argonos wasn’t going to slagging shoot him when he got back.

* * *

“I learned something today,” Steelcutter said when he stepped through the door to their shared cabin.

“Let me guess—you pretended you knew something out of sheer stubbornness and got your aft handed to you because of it,” Argonos said dryly, “and you’re trying to spin it now so that I don’t laugh at you later.”

“Well yes,” Steelcutter said.

“Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

“So what happened? Why are you telling me? You know I don’t usually mock you.”

 _“Welllll_ , uh,” said Steelcutter. “Actually I need you to not offline me later.” He paused. “Or anyone else either, come to think of it.”

“What.”

“Don’t be pissed later.”

“Steelcutter, what the slag are you going to do?” Argonos said, voice a warning growl.

“Oh, would you look at the time?” Steelcutter singsonged, scampering back out of the room. “Sorry, got to go. Be back later!”

“Get back here!” Argonos snapped, but Steelcutter was already out in the hall and sprinting, and he’d always been faster than Argonos anyway.

* * *

“Give me the report as soon as you have it!” Megatron barked at the retreating backplates of whoever he’d last been meeting with. “We need that location, Skywarp.”

He fell silent, looking down at a datapad. “Steelcutter, what do you want.”

“Uh,” said Steelcutter.

“I’ve been informed that Argonos is looking for you,” Megatron said.

“Uhhh,” said Steelcutter.

“I’ve also been informed that you’re not technically allowed in here on medical orders,” Megatron said, and there was definitely a dry tinge of amusement in his voice, Steelcutter was definitely not imagining that. “So how did you even get _in_ here?”

“That’s not important,” Steelcutter said carefully.

“Oh, like that,” Megatron said. He sounded resigned. “Just tell me why you’re here.”

“I found out what I did wrong last time,” Steelcutter started.

Megatron huffed. “You say that like there was only _one_. Last time we spoke, the only thing you did right was telling me your damned designation.”

 _“Welll,”_ Steelcutter said, and then decided he had exactly no leg to stand on. “Maybe. I suppose. But among other things, I found out _one_ thing I did wrong.”

“My congratulations,” Megatron drawled.

“No, listen, it’s _relevant_ ,” Steelcutter said.

“For some reason, I doubt that.”

“No, seriously,” Steelcutter said. “So, someone told me a solar cycle ago that I could reconfigure my valve, which I didn’t know—”

“Excuse me,” Megatron said, looking vaguely like he’d been hit in the face. _“How_ did you not know that?”

“By…not knowing?” Steelcutter tried.

“I have a shocking piece of advice for you,” Megatron said through gritted teeth. “Next time you do something potentially damaging, don’t ignore the readings on your fragging HUD.”

“I know that now, too,” Steelcutter said. “I’m not _done_.”

Megatron sighed and waved a hand. “I’m sure this won’t be the last time I need to ask you what the _frag_ ,” he said. “But go on.”

“So I did it wrong,” Steelcutter said, and Megatron gaped at him.

“You. Reconfigured your _valve_. And you did it wrong,” Megatron said. “Will wonders never cease.”

“Would you just listen?” Steelcutter snapped.

“No,” said Megatron.

“So I reconfigured my valve wrong, and I accidentally half-transformed,” Steelcutter said, and paused to be interrupted. Megatron just gave him a tired look, so he continued. “But I didn’t turn into the same laser cutter that I usually do, I’m not sure why.”

“Can you just tell me what happened?”

“I can light things on fire,” Steelcutter said.

“What,” said Megatron.

“I can light things on fire and I can melt holes in things,” Steelcutter said.

“How does that have to do with you failing to transform properly or reconfigure your valve?” Megatron said, half-incredulous. “Why did you even tell me that?”

“Beeeecause usually if I tell a long story, Argonos gets less mad about the stuff I broke?”

Megatron sighed. “What the frag did you do.”

“I kinda…melted the floor in Redshift’s hallway,” Steelcutter said carefully.

“Badly?”

“Well, I mean, me and Redshift _patched_ it,” Steelcutter said.

“Is the hall badly damaged?” Megatron demanded.

“I _guess_ ,” Steelcutter said, and then decided he was going to get slagged if he was honest, and said, “I managed to walk on it fine, so I think that it might work—”

“What,” Megatron said, “have I told you about lying to me?”

“It’s not going to hold for more than two cycles,” Steelcutter said.

“How many halls are damaged?”

“I don’t know for sure—”

“ _A number.”_

“Three?”

“And the hull?”

Steelcutter fought the urge to go running. “Structurally compromised?”

“How the _frag_ did you do that?” Megatron asked. “You’re shorter than my knee! You’re practically the size of a glitchmouse! You’re— taller, actually, I didn’t notice that; what happened?”

“I was going to tell you,” Steelcutter grumbled. “So I turned myself half inside out and half into a gun—”

“Into a gun,” Megatron repeated.

“Into a gun, yes,” Steelcutter said, “and no, I didn’t realize that was possible either. Anyway, something was broken, I guess, because the optics in my hands moved—”

“You had optics in your hands,” Megatron said. “Why am I not surprised.”

“No, listen, my entire configuration shifted really weirdly,” Steelcutter said. “Here, look.”

“What am I looking at?” Megatron asked.

Steelcutter segmented his visor.

“What,” said Megatron.

Steelcutter shrugged. “I can separate—”

“I saw that,” Megatron said. _“What_.”

“I’m pretty sure half of them weren’t supposed to point in,” Steelcutter said with a shrug.

“They what,” said Megatron.

“I have eleven optics, and only four of them point up,” said Steelcutter. “Unless I do this,” and he segmented his visor again, “in which case I can see out of all of them.”

“That sounds inconvenient,” said Megatron.

“Two optics sounds inconvenient to me,” said Steelcutter. “But regardless. Once that happened, I could shift without needing a framework—”

“Explain that statement.”

“I couldn’t transform without my framework? I don’t know.”

“That doesn’t sound right.”

Steelcutter shrugged. “But then I turned into a gun, and then the alerts on my HUD finally went away—yes, I know, but they were always there so it didn’t matter—and then Redshift kicked me and I kinda, uh.”

“You _kinda, uh,_ did what?” Megatron said.

“Shot him?”

“Is he dead?”

“No? No. Definitely not. No.”

“Now say what you aren’t saying.”

Steelcutter cringed. “Uh, he’s down an arm.”

“How many times did you shoot him?”

“Once?”

“With _what?”_

“A durasteel-grade cutting laser,” Steelcutter said.

“Of course you did.”

“It was a mistake!”

“Of course it was. How does this translate to lighting half my ship on fire?”

“Redshift got mad at me,” said Steelcutter, “so I tried to shift back, but instead I sorta, uh.”

“You sorta, uh, _what_.”

“Honestly, I have no idea,” said Steelcutter. “I transformed back, and then everything was on fire.”

“Tell me what you’re not telling me.”

“I kinda sorta blacked out?”

“Explain.”

“Energy drain.”

“Of course,” Megatron sighed, putting a hand to the bridge of his olfactory ridge. “So not only did you destroy my damned ship, you can’t even do it again.”

“Uh,” said Steelcutter.

Megatron looked like he was ready to rip his optics out. “What now? What new piece of utterly frustrating information are you going to bestow upon me?”

“Just that there was a security camera in the hall, and that someone might know what happened?”

Megatron sighed automatically, and then froze and blinked at him in surprise. “Wait. That could actually be useful.”

Steelcutter grinned at him.

“Please get out,” Megatron said.

“But,” said Steelcutter.

“I genuinely do not want to hear you say anything ever again,” Megatron snapped. “This past fifteen minutes was more utterly ridiculous, and utterly _pointless,_ than any other experience I have so far had in my _life_. Get _out_.”

“But—”

“Get out! Get out! Get the frag out!” Megatron snarled, getting to his feet. “I swear, if you’re still in here in one fragging klik, I’ll _shoot_ you! Get _out_ of my fragging throne room!”

Steelcutter paused, decided that running his mouth would get him killed, and then ran for the hills.

* * *

Argonos was pissed when he got back.


End file.
